How Sales Reps Quit

I wish I didn’t know all this stuff…

MIA.Simply stops showing up and won’t return calls.

Death by Manager. Instead of quitting like a man, provokes an argument with the boss and quits in a huff telling everyone that his boss “was an asshole” and it wasn’t his fault (as in “death by cop” suicides).

Slow Death. Stops trying to sell and waits for the axe to fall so he can say he didn’t quit but was “let go.”

It’s a Secret. Does a cheap James Bond imitation submitting a one-liner resignation email with no explanations.

Let’s Pretend. Never left previous job, or got a new one, but for some strange reason insists on staying around, shows up at meetings and so on – most likely waiting to see if by magic some easy money will come around.

Waiting for the Train. As soon as the big “commission check train” gets in he is never seen again . . . all aboard!

The Martyr. Blames the company and management, spreads rumors and inuendo, plays the activist to uncover the “truth” often taking a few other posers with him down the drain.

Quit with Class. Talks to the manager personally, explains his situation, admits any fault, and leaves to find success elsewhere.

Dies. The fool-proof way to get out of meeting quota is to die (by natural or other causes).

Suicide Bomber. Decides to martyr himself and take everybody down with him. He will slander, spread innuendo, and point so many fingers at others you’d think he was a human centipede. Since on the Internet everybody with an opinion can stand on their little soap box and feign legitimacy, and the posts last longer than cockroaches, he can do the same harm to people’s reputation as real bombs do to fragile bodies of innocent children.